


Adore You

by Turesti



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), New Teen Titans, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, F/M, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Multi, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, i have some idea of a plot but not much, lots of yearning, probably add more tags as this goes on, some porn maybe, unrequited (but actually mutual) pinning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:15:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23194588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turesti/pseuds/Turesti
Summary: Ghosts still haunt while you search for something they can't quite reach yet.A what could have been in pre New 52 verse.
Relationships: Raven/Jason Todd
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	1. Turn off all the lights

**Author's Note:**

> This deviates from canon (pre 52 & Rebirth) on what could have been. The first chapter is based on a scene in the 2000's Teen Titans #29.  
> Since timelines are confusing-  
> Ages: I'm making Raven closer to what her original age would have been, 20 (excluding when she was dead) and Jason around 23.  
> Raven is originally a little older than Jason, in this, she was 2 years older. She did die after Jason, but spent more time dead than he did, making her younger than him when she is brought back by Brother Blood due to lost time.  
> Check the end for some more notes.

_The hall of fallen titans._

Statues dedicated to every hero whoever took on the mantle of being a titan, every single one, even the pathetic ones- like freaking Kole. Everyone, except Jason and surprisingly Raven. She died trying to kill everyone being controlled by Trigon through a corrupted soul self, it wasn’t really her- she was still a titan, their fucking friend. Even Terra was given a statue and she died still willingly despising them all! Guess, he wasn’t the one who was accepted into the team but not fully wanted. 

Jason quickly turned off the camera's feed, he placed several around the island weeks ago, keeping surveillance on the titans. Tonight was the best night to carry out the plan; the majority of the team that stayed at the Tower had all left. The only people that posed a real threat, Koriand'r, Cassie, and Conner were gone and wouldn't be able to come back in time, he figured this would only take on hour. That left Victor, Garfield, and Tim Drake inside the tower. Raven, unbeknownst to everyone else, wasn't in her room at the tower. She wasn't even on the island. She was in a tiny footlocker of an apartment located in San Francisco above a drag bar of all places. His replacement must be losing his touch if he had no idea about it. Jason walked out of his safe house and towards the garage, putting on his signature red hood helmet before speeding towards the streets of San Francisco on his motorcycle. 

He knew he had to be quick and catch her off guard. It may have been years since he last saw her, but he hadn't forgotten how formidable she could be in a fight nor could he risk the possibility of her recognizing him. Jason might know exactly how her empathy worked, but he knew she didn't need to see someone's face to know who they were. Something about everyone having distinct auras or whatever she called them, seemed like everyone had a different term for what it was. All he knew was she never forgot one. _Never_.

Jason got off of his bike and stashed it a few blocks away in an alleyway so disgusting he didn't believe rats would willingly stay there. He kept the helmet on as he walked towards to apartment building and climbed up the 3 sets of fire escapes until he was right outside of her apartment. He crouched down and looked through the window, it was almost pitch black with a single lamp on. The inside was tiny and impersonal, almost like a hotel room, it definitely didn't look like anyone really lived there. He saw a figure sitting on the floor- actually hovering over the floor by a couple of inches, Raven was meditating which meant he had the advantage. He remembered overhearing Dick talk about what Raven was like when she meditated, it was like she was in a trance- if she didn't sense someone or something of importance, she would be oblivious to everything around her. He only had one shot to get in and take her out without her noticing. 

His first obstacle- the window. Jason carefully grasped the bottom of the window and to his surprise lifted it up with ease. _Who doesn't lock their windows at night?_ He sat on the window's paneling, one leg on the fire escape supporting his weight and one leg hovering over the wooden floor of the apartment. He kept his eyes on her face as he placed his leg down silently, watching for any indication that she was aware of him. Nothing. Jason brought the other half of his body into the room and walked over to Raven and reached into his jacket pocket. She kept her eyes closed as walked behind her, extending his arm around her body and released the gas in front of her face. Raven's body started to fall towards him, he carefully caught it and shifted her so she was easier to carry. Raven might not have lived here, but this place had to have a bed somewhere if for no reason than just appearances. He walked through the doorframe on his right and found a bedroom. He placed the unconscious empath on the bed and placed a blanket over her body. If he was lucky when she wakes up, she'll believe she went to bed on her own. 

Leaving the apartment the same way he came in Jason knew he was going to hurt and potentially hurt the other Teen Titans tonight and the thought didn't really bother him all that much. **_Raven_** , on the other hand, was different. He didn't want her to be involved in any part of this night. So he makes sure she sleeps for the next six hours and he hoped she will have a good dream or two. 

* * *

As odd as it seemed, Raven never felt so fulfilled in her quaint apartment. Sparse furniture filled the small apartment, blue walls and a scratched up hardware floor, faded from all the lives that passed through it. Even with empty walls and no personal touches, Raven was always comforted when she was here. She split her time between here and the tower. Her teammates believed that when she wasn’t around them, she was in another dimension doing something involving magic. In reality, she needed a break. And that’s what this apartment was for. What it lacked in obvious comfort, it made up for in silence during the day, and at night the emotions seeped through the floor from below. All she ever felt from the bar below her was acceptance, desire, freedom, and pure joy. It eased her and anchored her in this dimension. 

There were times Raven even considered going downstairs and mingling with the people there. She spoke to the owner multiple times, he was in his late 40's and in the business for years, with a sharp sense of humor that had her genuinely laughing. Overall he was a kind person and the people he employed and the patrons were welcoming towards her as well, inviting her into the accepting space they created. Raven knew she wasn't ready though, she's been around crowds before on Earth, but they overwhelmed her at times if their collective emotions were too much for her to handle. If the crowd downstairs emotions could be felt a floor above, she believed she was better off easing her way into it first before going when the partying was at its peak for the night. Besides, it was almost midnight she still had to meditate before she went to sleep.

Raven placed her communicator on the floor next to her and sat with her legs crossed, even if she wasn't at the tower she still had to be sure to be available in case she was needed unexpectantly. She had told Tim earlier in the night that she would be going to sleep earlier than usual tonight and to call her on the communicator rather than knock on her door. A lie of course, but no one pressed her on it. This week had been tedious, multiple fights broke out amongst them and emotions raged from all her team members because of them. Normally she could handle it, but recently it seemed like everyone was on edge, especially Tim and Kori now that Dick was visiting more often. Ever since the Red Hood appeared Dick was careful to stay close by Robin, for what reason he wouldn't say. Kori became more reclusive since Dick was in the tower again, they were on and off, currently off- causing the Tamarian great distress. Raven didn't have to be an empath to know they still loved each other, but it was complicated. Love amongst the Titans always seemed to be. 

She sat cross-legged on the floor, back straight and her head held high, she focused on her breathing. Everything physical sensation anchoring her to this world drifting away, she felt the emotions surrounding her surround her. She was around people constantly, she had to learn to be around their emotions again, practicing constraint at a safe distance. Raven had to let the emotions come over and absorb them or be taken over by them. She focused on them all: Love, Jealousy, Fear, Hope, Uncertainty...

Raven was so absorbed in the meditation she didn't notice the figure walking behind her until it was too late. She was brought back to the apartment as she falling backward, everything going to black, she didn't feel any pain from hitting the floor. Someone must have caught her before her head collided with the hardwood floor. The person in question had a familiarity to them she hadn't felt in a long time. The familiar presence was the last thing Raven felt before she was engulfed into a dream. 

* * *

_A rooftop, Five years ago._

_Jason sat on the roof's edge in his robin suit, next to his favorite Gargoyle waiting for the titan's member he was partnered with to show up. He was ecstatic when Dick first asked him to help with a mission, finally getting more chances to prove himself, only to be sorely let down when he found out the details. He agreed the second Dick called him, not even needing to hear what it was about. Jason thought he was going to fight alongside the titans on a dangerous and important mission and he was going to prove to them that he deserved a chance to be a titan member, officially. In reality, he was going to be doing surveillance on an empty office floor in a skyrise used by the mafia on the off chance someone might come to drop something off. Jason will admit, it's a better hiding spot than the typically sketchy warehouse. It wasn't even guaranteed that someone was going to show up though, Dick just wanted to make sure that if someone did, he would have a witness to it. Oh, and he was going to have a Titan practically chaperone him the entire night. Apparently Dick didn't think he should be alone while watching an empty building. Did he think that he was going to fall asleep and that's why he's sending a friend to babysit him?_

_"Does he really think I need an escort and a babysitter? " Jason complained to the gargoyle. He was used to having them keep him company when he wasn't with Bruce while on patrol. He even had a favorite. They were the only things he could lament his frustrations to when he felt he had no one to talk to. Right now he needed to air out his frustrations before whoever Dick sent showed up. He hoped it wasn't Garfield who was 2 years younger than him. Jason couldn't believe that Dick would have some 14-year-old kid on the team and not him. He would even be an honorary member if he was given the position, he didn't have to be on the team all the time. Jason was so lost in his sullen thoughts, he didn't take notice of the swirling black smoke that was surrounding the rooftop._

_"Do you always talk to gargoyles?"_

_Raven appeared standing behind Jason from the smoke and dark clouds. She lifted her hood so he could see her face. During her first months on Earth, she noticed that she would often scare people unintentionally. Raven believed that perhaps if he saw a face instead of a dark hooded figure, she wouldn't scare the new robin._

_Jason choked on a scream, he had no idea he witch of the team showed was his partner for the night, nor did he know how long she was there for. Apparently long enough to know he talks to gargoyles when he gets lonely. "Do you always sneak up on people_ _?"_

_He inwardly winced, he didn't mean to sound so abrasive to her, the embarrassment of being scared by her made him defensive coupled with his anger towards Dick made him harsher than he would have liked to have been. He knew he shouldn't be upset with her for something that was wasn't her fault, she probably isn't thrilled she's going to be spending hours with him tonight. Dick probably made her do this._

_"Not intentionally. I'm sorry if I frightened you. It would seem I have that effect on many people when they first meet me." And long after Raven thought. She may have lived with her team and became close with them, but there were still moments she felt be unsettled by her. Raven was still used to how she lived on Azarath, where magic was everywhere and the teachings of the monks there were followed by every Azarathian. But she was on Earth now, people feared magic and no one understood or believed in what Azar taught her. The people here are so vastly different than the ones she knew, she was still adjusting to their culture and ways of life. Her friends, Victor especially tried to help her better situate this world, while they tried to become more used to her. Raven knew it would take time, but she would be lying if it still didn't hurt to feel the fear she gave others though._

_Jason brushed off his negative demeanor, " It's fine. We should just focus on what Nightwing asked us to do." Raven nodded and sat down next to him. They sat in silence for a few moments before Raven suddenly broke it._

_"He doesn't think you're incapable." She paused, "Dick I mean."_

_Jason looked off-put by her abrupt comment. He opened his mouth and she heard a blaring alarm emitted from it-_

* * *

Raven jolted up in the bed, her phone's alarm blaring in her pocket woke her. The early morning rays of sunlight came through the window. She had no memory of falling asleep here, she rarely slept over the apartment, unless she really needed a break from her team members. She scrolled through her text messages, someone attacked the tower, luckily no one had died nor was anything stolen. A few members had relatively mild injuries, nothing serious enough to bench them, the person who received the most was Tim. 

Raven sat on the edge of the bed with her legs dangling off of it, she would go back to the tower soon, she just needed a moment to center herself. She hadn't thought of that night in so long and she had no real reason to have dreamt of it. After Jason died, any mention of him around the tower would cause a sense of pain for anyone who knew him- especially Dick. He may not be there as much as he used to, but for his sake, no one mentioned the fallen robin around him. Raven also couldn't bear to think of him too much either, for her own reasons. She didn't know why she dreamt of that night but a gut sensation told her the person who broke into her apartment had something to do with it.


	2. Can't stop staring at those ocean eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish. (Most titles will be taken from songs that fit the fic, I might make a playlist for this fic for everyone to listen to). Check for notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I know its been months since I /said/ I would upload this chapter, but I had a rather stressful school event that distracted me. Honestly, this update didn't exactly turn out the way I hoped, but at least it's done.  
> Victor is introduced in this chapter! I will try to include other characters and may update the tags for any that have a bigger role in the story. There is a mention of a very minor character so please check the notes for who they are at the end.  
> I changed my URL on Tumblr, it is now spoilersteph, so feel free to send me requests, comments, or asks on there!

Raven stood in the kitchen gazing out the window as the sun was rising it was early enough that she had time to herself in the tower; things were hectic and any time spent alone was treasured. Dick had taken up a permanent residence at the tower since the ambush 3 weeks ago, which had disrupted the normal flow of the current residents. After it was clear that Tim was the one targeted by their mystery assailant, Dick felt he had no choice but to come back and reinstate his position as the Titans’ leader once again. Everyone was stressed out by the events that had transpired and Raven felt their stress constantly. Dick stressed the most out of them all, it was his that Raven felt the most, due to the sheer magnitude of it. His anxiety as well, but over what she couldn’t quite pinpoint yet. She was unable to find a reprieve at her apartment ever since that night, part of her was almost grateful, the one place she was able to seek refuge aside from the tower had been broken into that night. Raven would be lying if it didn’t shake her. But it wasn't the fear wasn’t holding her back from going back there, all Titans that took up residence were practically grounded, no one left the island if they didn’t have to, on top of near-constant training.

The Titans had changed rapidly in recent years, both the addition and resignation of members were virtually impossible to keep up with. Victor, Garfield, Kori, and Raven were the only original members excluding the recently rejoined Dick. Tim, Cassie, Burt, Jaime, and Connor joined in the year prior, but none of them had a permanent residence in the tower. The four stayed over during the weekends. However other new teammates, Rose and Eddie, did have a permanent residence in the Tower. The animosity between Cassie and Rose was the cause of the frequent fights, but to be fair to the two, plenty of others were causing fights as well. Whoever attacked them had chosen an opportune to do so, the team wasn’t as secure as they used to be, but they were trying to get better; that’s all anyone could hope for. The one thing Raven had been grateful for recently was having Victor awake again, there was a time for months when he had been recouping from an attack a year prior- a far worse attack. Once there was a second Titans team that Victor had been leading, but they weren’t as fortunate when they were attacked in their home. Tim was hurt the most on the current team with only had broken bones that Raven was able to heal, members of Victor’s team left their island in body bags.

Whoever their assailant was didn’t attack to incapacitate the team nor distract them as far they knew, that night there weren’t any high profile criminal acts in San Francisco that were on the Titans’ radar. Raven felt like it was more of a message she had a feeling it was meant for the bats of Gotham rather than the Titans, but she kept that to herself it was merely speculation.

She walked away from the window, dwelling on the current situation would not help ease her a cup of coffee might though. During the past few weeks, she was unable to sleep through most of the nights, and focusing on meditation was proving to be more and more difficult. So she was on the verge of a rather painful headache, she may never get sick like a regular human, but she did suffer from migraines quite frequently. Raven grabbed a mug from inside the cabinet as the aroma of brewed coffee filled the room. While she enjoyed tea, she needed more caffeine than they could provide after finding that caffeine could usually ease the pain of her migraines and keep her awake for most of the day.

She poured Garfield’s almond creamer into her coffee, making a mental note to buy him a replacement since she was leaving him with none left. Someone was going to have to go out and get more groceries soon, they were starting to get to the bare bones of supplies, a task that she would happily volunteer for. Raven quietly sipped at the almost volcanic level of hot coffee and stared down at the floor absentmindedly until she heard a deep voice behind her.

“Please tell me there’s more in the pot, witch.”

Raven gazed up at her closet companion, Victor leaning on the granite counter next to her and nodded. She smiled at the nickname, it was once used to antagonize her now she knows he says it out of endearment. Vic was the first person Raven grew attached to, Dick was the second, soon after the rest of the Titans became her family after she gained their trust.

Victor poured himself a cup and opened the fridge. “I used the last of Garfield’s creamer,” she confessed to him. “We need to buy groceries, it’s desolate.”

He sighed and took a sip of black coffee before grimacing and took up a frantic search for sugar, albeit a rather sluggish one. She could feel his elation after procuring the coveted substance and poured some into his coffee.“I have a thing with Dick at 2, after that I’m free, want to go grocery shopping with me?”

Raven nodded in agreement, anything to get outside of here and they resumed sipping their coffee in silence watching the sunrise. Eventually Raven moved to sit on the counter as Vic busied himself making a heaping breakfast, he was always the best cook of the team, even tofu scramble (special order from Garfield) was delicious. Usually Raven contented herself with a simple breakfast she would make herself, but Vic insisted that he make her something. She didn’t try all that hard to stop him. As he fried bacon, for himself and whoever woke up in time for it, she remembered his comment about doing something with Dick. Hopefully, it will be something that eases his stress, “What do you have planned with Dick?”

Victor faltered slightly, to anyone else they wouldn’t have noticed, but she wasn’t just anyone. “Oh, just some training. Blowing off steam.”

Curious. He wasn’t the type of person to keep secrets from her before she could press him further, there was a commotion down the hallway. The peace she had found this morning would soon cease as the Titans came down the hallway, following the smell of waffles.

* * *

Jason was back in San Francisco after spending a mandatory 2 weeks staying low in a safe house far away. It was a self-imposed rule, anytime he made a larger move, he kept low somewhere they wouldn’t find him. He wouldn’t be back here in this city so soon if he hadn’t gotten ahold of a tip on a large trafficking move. It was still unclear what was being moved, but he had kept a tab on a west coast crime family that was looking into expanding their turf. They were good, kept their name out of almost everything they did, except for a one-time squealer. They were also incredibly smart and well-stocked on ammunition. Which is why he found himself cramped up in an air vent trying to get to out of the building with several angry guns-for-hire on his ass.

He had wasted most of his day on surveillance, by the time he got outside and running on foot (since they shot up his bike before he could get to it). It was already night, no idea what time though, it had to be late since most of the streets were empty. The further he ran the more familiar the streets became and he knew of a certain apartment that was further that kept the window unlocked.

Out of breath and bleeding from the fight, Jason leaped up onto the fire escape ladder and heaved himself upwards. Panting inside his helmet, he tried the window- which unsurprisingly opened with ease. He would have been disappointed in the fact that the occupant and current Titan, didn’t find a new lock for it- if she hadn’t already moved out. He would have worried at the thought of an entirely different person living inside as he crossed the windowsill and stepped into the apartment when he felt the wind get knocked out of him.

The mystery was solved though, Raven still lived inside the apartment and currently has him pinned against the wall while looking pissed. Extremely pissed.

_Shit._

* * *

_Earlier that day_

Dick was keeping secrets.

That was the only thought on her mind when she went to get Victor to go for their grocery trip. She was quite looking forward to it if she was being honest, it was a welcomed break from everything going on. Victor and Dick were inside of the training room, speaking in hushed tones when she entered. Raven hadn't thought the need to knock on the door before entering since they had agreed on the time she would fetch him. Raven had dressed in civilian clothes, of which she had very few, that was plain and didn’t attract too much attention; a plain dark purple sweatshirt, leather jacket, black jeans, and boots- the forecast for today stated that it would be cloudy and windy. She held the long list of groceries in her hand that the team had requested they get since she adamantly denied anyone else joining them, she needed alone time with her friend, hoping that it would ease the stress she had been coping with all week. Unsurprisingly no one’s mood had changed during the hours since breakfast, if anything their emotions became worse becoming almost unbearable to deal with.

“Am I interrupting anything of importance?” Raven asked of the two. The pair didn’t meet her eyes as they answered no. A hint of anxiety lingered on them as Dick retreated from the room as he said not to forget anything on the list. She would have pressed further on a different day, but Dick didn’t need the stress of it and neither did she. She would have easier luck with Victor or so she assumed. Throughout the entire trip, Victor was distant in thought and brushed off any remarks regarding Dick or what they spoke about. Raven even had a difficult time trying to engage him in lamenting over the extra training and yet not even complaining together could nudge the cloud over him. The rest of the grocery trip and the subsequent ride back home were spent in long bouts of silence. The more she worried the less she was able to alleviate the combined stresses Raven was drenched in.

After sorting the abundance of food that should last for at least 3 weeks amongst the horde of Titans inside the kitchen, Raven skipped dinner and stowed away in her room for hours meditating. Raven knew after midnight most of her teammates would be asleep and she could easily slip away to the apartment undetected. Raven hadn’t been this on edge since Eric Forrester*. She needed to take refuge in that small apartment, she looked forward to an uneventful and peaceful night alone.

* * *

_Now_

Alright so she was taking her stress and anger out on whoever the unfortunate person was behind the helmet, but they invaded one of the only places in this world where she was meant to feel safe. Where she sought refuge. It was a personal affront on top of a security issue. Raven reacted on the sight of the intruder, most likely the same as from the weeks prior. She felt the same familiarity she did then before she passed out.

Her eyes narrowed, she felt no intense fear from them, almost as if they knew they weren’t in deadly danger. Anyone who didn’t know her would have known she was a pacifist, despite what many news said about her- she would never kill. All she felt from the person in front of her was in pain, albeit minor to them, but there was something about the person she couldn’t understand. The familiarity and the fact that she couldn’t sense them as they cane in. The only thing that alerted her to their presence when she came in was the creaking of a wooden floor planet. Rarely if ever did Raven’s abilities rarely if ever failed to alert her of danger, which meant something was incredibly wrong or this person was close to her. She learned that after team members had been brainwashed into attacking her, she couldn’t sense them if she knew them closely and they truly wished her no harm (despite whatever forces were making them act that way).

Raven was tired. She didn’t want to deal with the usual back and forth, ‘Who are you,’ which her opponent would respond with some kind of cheeky one-liner before a fight would ensue. No, Raven would face this head-on and without giving them a warning. She already had them pinned with her soul self, they weren’t going anywhere, she reached out and took off the helmet. Raven stood there, face to face with the intruder, nothing obscuring their identity.

Blue eyes met green eyes staring back at her as silence filled the space between them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating and for leaving this on a cliffhanger! Hopefully, the next chapter won't take me as long! And as always thank you for reading! 
> 
> *Based Raven’s outfit off of one in the New 52 that she wore a couple of times so it seemed fitting to use that one.  
> *Eric Forrester was from the New Teen Titans, he was a computer-path that was pretending to love Raven in order to steal(/eat?) her soul-self so he could live since he was slowly losing his humanity and becoming a machine. He would have sex with women in order to eat their soul while he was dating Raven he was slowly eating her soul-self making her moody and sick. In the end, Joey (Jericho, love that guy) ends up figuring out what he was really up to and helped rescue her from Eric before he pressured her into having sex with him. It was a weird story arc. This arc took place in was #66-67 in 1996.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the earlier notes helped if anyone was confused about the ages and why she is younger than him in current times. In the flashback, Jason is 16 and Raven is 18.  
> So this is my first Jayrae fic, I am on tumblr as raevenroth if anyone wants requests, I'm always open to them. I don't know if I will have a schedule for updates, but I will try to keep up with it as much as possible!  
> Thank you so much for reading!


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